Those of you familiar with the Carbon Cycle will have little trouble grasping my hypothesis which I have termed for common usage: ‘The Feisty-Hassing Fart Molecule Retention Theory’.
It goes a little like this:

As humans, we have sensory neurones embedded inside our noses. Molecules, sailing through our nostrils on the air we breath, land on membranes and trigger the neurones contained therein. When liberated smoke particles land, we smell smoke. When atomised perfume particles are present, we savour scent. And when freshly expelled fart molecules arrive, we detect a ‘fluff’.

Sensory neurones are also present on our tongues, giving us the delights of taste. They are triggered, for better or worse, by whatever substance is in our mouth.

Each day, especially during sleep and social intercourse, we breathe both through our nose and our mouth. Sometimes the smells we encounter are so strong, we also taste them.

The mouth is the first component of our alimentary tract. All that passes over the tongue and down the oesophagus enters our digestive system and is broken into simple elements for use by the body.

All our cells are regularly replaced, excepting those in our brains, teeth and in the dense regions of our bones. The cells we have in these areas have been with us for years. Like the best old friendships, they were formed during our salad days.

In the course of our lifetime, we come into contact with many of thousands of farts. Save for certain varieties of hermit (which I have deemed statistically irrelevant) none of us has been spared this stark reality. The proof is in the smelling.

Messrs. Phtang and Pchou’s excellent preliminary research suggests that up to 73% of farts encountered in Western urban environments are not attributable to the ‘receiver’. (Whether this is due to our predilection for air conditioning and ducted vacuuming is beyond the ambit of this paper.)

Whenever we have smelled fart molecules, we have in the majority of cases also inhaled them through our mouths and subsequently swallowed them.

In so doing, we consigned the molecules to our stomachs, which duly digested them for use in construction of new cells.

To an infinitesimal extent, therefore, we are all partially composed of disassembled fart molecules. Further, the permanent tissues of our brains, teeth and bones represent an archive of fragments from every fart we ever encountered during our growing years.

This is pivotal in the case of the brain, since this ‘race memory’ of fart encounters forms part of the very fabric of our consciousness (contrary to snow encounters, which are of course odourless). It is a small step to deduce, therefore, that we of the West are fascinated by flatulence because we literally: ‘have it on the brain’.

To be continued...