PaulThe Spruiker (Part 4)
May 5th 2007 09:07
'You crack my window with that racket and I'll crack your face,' threatened the man.
Ray beheld the man's bloody minded determination, and the blonde he was seeking to impress. He thought of witty retorts, which he was too weak to deliver, and retreated.
Victorious, the man smugly took the waist of his mistress and began loudly extolling the virtues of his shopfront. Burning with rage, Ray fiddled with his merchandise.
An employee from the same bottle shop sauntered past and bluntly added his disapproval of the morning's performance.
Ray beheld the man's bloody minded determination, and the blonde he was seeking to impress. He thought of witty retorts, which he was too weak to deliver, and retreated.
Victorious, the man smugly took the waist of his mistress and began loudly extolling the virtues of his shopfront. Burning with rage, Ray fiddled with his merchandise.
An employee from the same bottle shop sauntered past and bluntly added his disapproval of the morning's performance.
**********
Ray took a break to settle his nerves, then carefully tuned and oriented his amplifier away from the bottle shop. Slowly, he got back into the swing of things.
'These jigsaw puzzles are only one dollar each! So cheap that if your child chokes on one of the pieces, you'll have saved enough to pay for the hospital bill!'
Car passengers wound down their windows and grinned. A knot of youths stood off and endeavoured to look cool.
'Many of you with gardens will be familiar with their propensity to grow, especially in spring. The Bargain Bin can help you combat this phenomenon with the Big Scary Saw.
'This saw is not only big, it's scary. In fact, the American Institute of Weapons Research, which plots tool size and scariness relative to price, has rated this saw a whopping 9.71 on the Big Scary Saw Scale.
'Nor is the Big Scary Saw's use limited to pruning. With the advent of Victoria's gun control legislation, the Big Scary Saw is an ideal substitute for dealing with difficult domestic situations. It can also be used to discipline children, repel home invaders and cut the heads off garden gnomes.'
People smiled as they passed. Many went inside the shop. Curious children had to be dragged away. At the end of a well-received monologue on the Amazonian Tiger Lily's ability to self-fertilise, the knot of youths moved forward.
With thick lips and pimples, the leader stepped close to Ray.
'Gi's a go on the mike, will ya?'
'No, sorry mate, I cant.'
'Carn mate, gi's a go!'
'No, I can't, mate. Sorry.'
'Gi's a f*ckin' go, C*NT!'
The youth seized the microphone and yelled 'GET F*CKED MUTHAF*CKAAAAR!' to his suburb. The gang fell about with laughter.
Ray snatched back the microphone and summoned his most threatening face. The leader leered defiantly and stared back. Ray held the gaze, panicking for his fragile amplifier.
The seconds passed until suddenly, the young man feigned a punch, halting his fist millimeters from Ray's nose. To his own astonishment, Ray did not flinch. The leader noted the assembling onlookers. With a final insult, he ceded to the imprecations his friends and withdrew. Ray realised why the money for his new job was so good.
To be continued...
'These jigsaw puzzles are only one dollar each! So cheap that if your child chokes on one of the pieces, you'll have saved enough to pay for the hospital bill!'
Car passengers wound down their windows and grinned. A knot of youths stood off and endeavoured to look cool.
'Many of you with gardens will be familiar with their propensity to grow, especially in spring. The Bargain Bin can help you combat this phenomenon with the Big Scary Saw.
'This saw is not only big, it's scary. In fact, the American Institute of Weapons Research, which plots tool size and scariness relative to price, has rated this saw a whopping 9.71 on the Big Scary Saw Scale.
'Nor is the Big Scary Saw's use limited to pruning. With the advent of Victoria's gun control legislation, the Big Scary Saw is an ideal substitute for dealing with difficult domestic situations. It can also be used to discipline children, repel home invaders and cut the heads off garden gnomes.'
People smiled as they passed. Many went inside the shop. Curious children had to be dragged away. At the end of a well-received monologue on the Amazonian Tiger Lily's ability to self-fertilise, the knot of youths moved forward.
With thick lips and pimples, the leader stepped close to Ray.
'Gi's a go on the mike, will ya?'
'No, sorry mate, I cant.'
'Carn mate, gi's a go!'
'No, I can't, mate. Sorry.'
'Gi's a f*ckin' go, C*NT!'
The youth seized the microphone and yelled 'GET F*CKED MUTHAF*CKAAAAR!' to his suburb. The gang fell about with laughter.
Ray snatched back the microphone and summoned his most threatening face. The leader leered defiantly and stared back. Ray held the gaze, panicking for his fragile amplifier.
The seconds passed until suddenly, the young man feigned a punch, halting his fist millimeters from Ray's nose. To his own astonishment, Ray did not flinch. The leader noted the assembling onlookers. With a final insult, he ceded to the imprecations his friends and withdrew. Ray realised why the money for his new job was so good.
To be continued...
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